They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
