when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
