Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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