is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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