Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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