i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
