What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
