My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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