So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
