Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Terrible idea I love it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
