sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
