so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
