how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize