either way he was missing a nipple.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
