I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
