Swine flu. Run for my life!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
