So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
