Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
