I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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