Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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