The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
