if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
