Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
