pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
