Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
