His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
