There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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