i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my vag is so smooth its legendary
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
