there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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