All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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