He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You are a genius and a whore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
