Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
