I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hippo gnu deer
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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