I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
