If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
