Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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