you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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