I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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