Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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