But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
