gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
