My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize