Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
