we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
