So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?