I wish my penis had an off switch
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
