just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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