I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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