he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
