I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You've changed since you got that strap on
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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