You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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