I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize