He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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