You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
