hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
