I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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