the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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