my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
