i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
