i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
