I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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