he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
