My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
